My life is full of space and beauty but my body is full of “good luck on how you feel today bitch!”
As I rotate between various forms of old lady support hose to find the one that seems to make me feel the healthiest I’m also looking for a place to live again and trying to fix my life financially before it all falls down. It’s not the worst situation I’ve ever been in and if it wasn’t for the new disability it would not be a problem. I would go out and get a delivery job or be able to concentrate long enough to get the YouTube channel I keep putting together in my head done. (spoiler: it will be full of ma pet fishes videos.)
The reason I started this post though was to talk about one of the weirdest fixes to my brain ever.
There are several rules to function for me. I cannot overextend my energy. If you ran across the internet post about having a disability means you only have so many spoons to use in a day…(I googled, it’s here) It crosses my mind regularly, that I have to remember too much means I’m outta spoons.
It means if I’m looking at a job, say like perfectly legal medical marijuana budtender, but the ad says must be able to stand for long periods of time, I probably won’t be able to do that job.
This past week I tried to do two shopping trips in two days, hours in a car both days, walking around stores, nothing super egregious but effort and one that in the old days I would freaking laugh my ass off at as cake. Normal, not enough walking even. I pretty much collapsed after I got home the second day with my store brand groceries, even with my high-wasted, moderate-support, all the day’s exercise I ever want while getting them on, compression hose from the local drugstore. First was the big city Costco – which damn there were too many people there including us – but I picked up some of the things I need in bulk, allergy pills and WHOA amount of flour. Next day the “local” grocery store for the things that can travel 40 min but not 2 hour travel fun. Trying to smartly stretch my pennies but it’s amazing how everything cost something as an adult. And now I pay in energy as well.
Anywhoo I crashed, tried to learn my lesson and then, after doing the things that made me feel fine in the past woke up yesterday once again feeling awful.
I always get up a couple times a night now but when I first moved here I was on high alert. I don’t know how to truly capture it but sleep was never ever restful. I wound up whining to my friend about not being able to sleep the way I used to, all snuggled down into my bed curled up on my side. That’s one of the things Covid has taken from me, super easy sleeping ability. I whined to her about a lot of things as I tried to figure this out. Everyone would say “age, the new altitude, just gotta get back into shape, shock from moving” etc – all reasonable statements but the fine points never fit.
And sleep was one of them. Another I didn’t realize was a symptom was apnea – maybe sleep apnea as well but there would be several times a day where I would be in a fugue on the couch and realize I was holding my breath. Not with effort, just not taking another one and I would make myself take many and try to strengthen my diaphragm assuming lung damage or muscle tone or just stress was making me stop breathing. I tried to keep more of a mindful eye on it.
Then I got the blog (see previous post) about POTS and symptoms etc clicked clicked clicked. I’m one for proof however. As best I can without money, health insurance or whatever else could be helpful, but the treatments started with an easily attainable prop up the head of your bed 6 to 10 inches. What? That only requires a few sacrificial paperbacks!
“And Apnea is a symptom? I don’t have sleep apnea oh wait it doesn’t say sleep, hey is that when I don’t breathe then?” was pretty much my exact thought process.
So I did it, expecting it to be crap, kinda figuring I was being self-absorbed and just freaked from everything and that I would prove myself a person with a good self-fulfilling prophecy. Thinking if it did work the effect of sleeping on a tilt would probably add up over a week or more.
That night I slept, felt asleep, woke up more refreshed than I had in half a year and felt that old feeling of yummy fuzzy unconsciousness I had been missing.
Ok so month or so goes by, I’ve got my water intake up, my salt up, my compression going, trying to monitor what I can do, trying to do enough so that I don’t fall back further into the syndrome. I’ve hit my right-now wall, had a rest and got to a feeling better point but then unexpectedly woke up yesterday feeling not right. And that’s really the main feeling I have when this starts. Not right. If I don’t pay attention it progresses and it often ends with me on the couch again, staring.
Well not right day yesterday wasn’t that bad, and the place I’m currently living in was to be shown at 4pm, I had work to do, a friend coming over to help clean it up, cause I ain’t a housekeeper it’s true, and I got through the day. I had enough spoons to feel like it was a successful functioning day. Which is how I judge things now.
During the clean up I found my bed had slid off the books. I didn’t think much of it, put them back under, made it up pretty and I got through the day,
This morning I woke up feeling good. Aware and alert, with some energy and taking advantage of it I got a bunch of stuff done that was needed. It then occurred to me “it was the bed wasn’t it!” Crazy how such a simple change makes so much difference.
HACK YOUR ILLNESS WITH THIS ONE LITTLE TRICK! Prop your bed up 4 to 10 inches – everything says 6 to 10 but 4 works for me, two moderate size sci fi paperbacks, and I still feel mostly flat as I snooze. And count your lucky spoons the internet exists right now.