My previous job ended in Nov. It was a nice office job with a paycheck that was almost worth my time but due to many reasons I won’t burn bridges by going into now I just couldn’t stay. It was sucking my soul. And instead of becoming a tight knit team it became me working alone a LOT.
So I quit and for the first few weeks of freedom I pushed myself hard and finally FINISHED WRITING THE STORY FOR MY BOOK! I have about 50,0000 words in a document that has a Beginning Middle and End! 9/11 was a crazy (horrible, tragic, god-awful, life-changing) week in NYC but out of it I got an idea. After and over the next 24 years I’ve tried to turn it into a story and a novel. I would pick it up, write a few thousand words, become judgmental, lost and depressed about it, and in general, and put it back down.
When Covid hit I planned on doing all sorts of things during the lock down and then after once I had moved but my brain and health said “NOPE!”
After everything I’ve done in my life, done to me, just happened, I’m pretty sure that you have to just do what you want cause nothing is going to secure things for you. Recently ran across this YouTube of a singer who had cancer and wrote a song, “It’s Ok” that got her in front of the world. And she explained what she had learned, “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”
Of course people have said you can choose happiness etc in the past but the wording, the situation etc, it has stuck hard. You can’t wait. Life will be hard. Decide to be happy.
That decision has put me in a crap job at a dollar store, not quite making enough money but somehow still paying my bills. Lots of socialization at the register as I ring people through, which I strangely enjoy, but exhausting. Under paid and still under appreciated for the work ethic that’s been ingrained in me. Until that changes I have given up control and security for my time. I walk through my dusty little berg to a home I love being in, though it’s not perfect, and have the time plus space to film, edit, write, paint, just be a weirdo. Happiness.
and in the evenings I get to look at this.
Now all I need is the money to have a car, pay my bills and quit the crap job while being able to travel a CRAPTON cause as much as I love having my space and small town feel here I miss my past. I want all worlds. Happiness.